Halloween Tricks and Treats
by chakochick
Summary: See photo. Imagine if Chakotay found himself in a plastic Starfleet costume that he couldn't get off. Who would help him? What would happen after? Dedicated to my J/C Corner friends. Happy Halloween all!


This has got to be the absolute most ridiculous ANYTHING that I've ever written but dedicated to my new JC friend jemabean and the lovely ladies I've had the privilege of getting to know over the last few weeks. Thank you for the inspiration for this absolutely ludicrous fic. You're welcome…? LOL

So there is a picture floating around out there on the interweb of a dude wearing a plastic SKIN TIGHT Starfleet Command Uniform (circa Voyager/DS9). Everyone got talking about how funny it would be to see Chakotay wearing one…and what that might lead to…well, here's my take.

=/\=

Chakotay was panicking. Full on panicking. Chakotay didn't panic. At least he never did until now. He looked at himself in the mirror as the suit he wore constricted even more about his biceps and shoulders.

"Damn you Tom Paris!" He growled out as the rubber that now covered him from neck to ankles tightened further. He cringed as he moved, feeling the plastic pull tighter around his thighs and groin. This was quickly becoming one of the worst days of Chakotay's life, and he had Tom Paris to blame for it.

_Twenty minutes earlier…_

Chakotay sat on the sofa in his quarters reading when his door chimed. He had been reading a selection of poems by Edgar Allen Poe to get himself in the mood for Halloween. It had become an unofficial tradition for him each year on October 31st. Some years Kathryn joined him, and he read them aloud to her, but she was still on duty this afternoon, so this Halloween he was reading them alone.

"Come in." He set his PADD down just as his door opened and Tom Paris came in, a garment bag in his hands and a wicked glimmer in his eyes. Chakotay's wary eyes went from Tom's face to the garment bag and back. "Good afternoon, Tom. Dare I ask what you're up to?"

Tom came over and lay the garment bag across Chakotay's desk chair. "Oh man, are you gonna love me. I have the absolute most perfect Halloween costumes for us." He patted the garment bag as Chakotay raised an eyebrow. "I met this lady on Trulayus IV that was fascinated with our uniforms. She recreated a couple of them for me…out of PLASTIC!" He started laughing, unzipping the bag and pulling out what was indeed a plastic duplicate of his own uniform. She had taken a few liberties, aside from the fact that it looked like it was made of opaque plastic wrap. There was no grey undershirt, and a studded belt with an ugly square belt buckle wrapped around the waist.

"Tom, what on Earth possessed you to buy these? And why would you think that I would want to wear one of them?" Chakotay got up and touched the material. It squeaked under his touch like two balloons rubbing together. It was also oddly warm and slippery under his fingertips. "How do you even put it on?" Chakotay couldn't help the chuckle that left him at the absurdity of it.

"There's a small zipper up the back. I made sure this one would fit you specifically." Chakotay raised his eyebrows, "Oh, come on, Chakotay it's Halloween! We put some extra gel in our hair and some oil on our skin and we'll look like plastic Starfleet officers. It'll be a hoot." Tom's eyes were gleaming and Chakotay took a deep breath, feeling the material again.

"I really don't know about this, Tom." Chakotay didn't have anything to wear to Neelix's Halloween party yet, and he knew that everyone would be there, but maybe this wouldn't be a terrible idea…He didn't mind a bit of self-depreciation if it brought smiles to the crew's faces. The suit looked plenty large enough to fit without being indecent, and ridiculous enough to bring tears of laughter to people's eyes. "Alright, I'll do it, but I feel like you'll owe me one after tonight."

"Deal. We've got some time and technically I'm still on duty for another two hours. I'll meet you at the party at 1900 hours, alright?"

Chakotay shook his head but smirked, "Alright, get out of here before I change my mind." Tom's grin nearly cracked his face in half as he departed Chakotay's quarters.

Once he was alone, Chakotay pulled the costume completely out of the garment bag and held it up to himself. It was utterly ridiculous and felt his cheeks pink at the thought of wearing it. Glad that he'd been spending more time in the holodeck gym lately, he knew he wouldn't have anything to be embarrassed about in that regard, but boy this was absurd!

He moved to his bedroom, tossing the garment bag on hid bed, and began stripping off his uniform, laying the pieces on the mattress. The Halloween party wasn't for another four hours, but he figured he'd better try this monstrosity on now in case it didn't fit. Then he'd have some time to try to figure out a different costume before the party.

Once he was down to his boxers, he found the zip on the costume and pulled it down. The zipper was much more fluid than his actual uniform, and he wondered briefly what it was made of. It didn't feel like metal, but it didn't feel like plastic either. With a shrug he stepped into the legs of the uniform. It made the most absurd squeaking noises as it rubbed against itself and against his skin. Once it was pulled up to his hips, he realized that every fold of the fabric of his underwear would show under the thin plastic suit. With a groan he pulled the costume back off and with a resigned sigh, removed his boxers as well. Grateful for the extra room in the crotch of the rubber suit, he huffed out a breath as he pulled it back on. Once up to his hips, he pushed his arms into the tight sleeves. "This is insane." He spoke to himself as he awkwardly reached behind him to raise the zip but was shocked when it began to move on its own. He could feel and hear the soft rasp as the zipper teeth came together up the back until he was securely encased in the plastic 'uniform.'

Moving to stand in front of his mirror he couldn't help the laugh that escaped him at his own absurdity. Normally he would be vehemently against wearing something this ludicrous but knowing that it was Halloween and good for morale and knowing that Tom would look equally preposterous in his own plastic uniform, he decided that one night of mockery was worth it.

He was turning to try to see the zipper in the back when he first noticed it. The uniform felt infinitesimally tighter around his ankles. He glanced down and it looked as though the plastic was shrinking, contouring to the muscles in his lower legs. Just as he was watching it shrink around his knees, he felt a constriction around his wrists. He tried to slide his fingers under the cuff of the sleeve to stretch it, but in vain. He couldn't even insert one finger into the sleeve around his wrist. It was almost becoming a part of his skin.

He frantically reached behind him for the zipper, but his eyes went wide when his fingers found nothing but the slick plastic of the costume. The zipper was completely gone. Panic began to set in as he felt the costume constrict around his chest, his pectoral muscles more pronounced under the thin plastic. His clavicles were visible at the top of the collar of the costume as it pulled open slightly while it shrunk around his frame. He reached behind him again to try to find the zipper just as he felt an uncomfortable squeeze in his groin as the suit bound tighter around his nether regions. Turning back to the mirror he realized that without his underwear on under the suit, he basically looked completely naked under the thin, revealing plastic of this costume. It had now fully shrunken around his entire body. "What the hell!?"

He watched in horror as it shrunk further, pressing around each muscle, each joint, each contour of his body. Nothing was left to the imagination and he knew that he would NOT wear this to the Halloween party. He also realized in that moment that Tom had set him up, and he vowed that the blonde Lieutenant wouldn't survive their next encounter. But first he had more pressing matters, literally, and he had to figure out how to get this damned thing off. Every time he tried to find purchase somewhere in the plastic, it seemed to pull tighter around his skin. Finally giving up trying to use force, he tried to think logically.

He'd have to get someone to help him get out of this confounded thing; the problem was, who could he trust with this? He figured if he called Tom, the blonde would come back to his quarters with a camera of some kind to embarrass him for decades to come. He couldn't call Tuvok. He knew under that 'no emotions' exterior the pointy eared man would be silently judging him, no matter what his excuse was for wearing this idiotic garment. B'Elanna was on duty in Engineering and he didn't think he could stand the look on her face when she saw him in this outfit. And Harry would flat out die of embarrassment. Heaving a frustrated sigh, he reached for his comm badge, with some difficulty, and tapped it. "Chakotay to Captain Janeway."

"Janeway here."

"Captain, I wondered if you could come to my office?" He could practically see Kathryn's eyebrow raise as she wondered why he was in his office when he was off duty. He also knew she would be doubly curious when she got to his office and found no one there. He couldn't, however, call her straight to his quarters when she was on the bridge...especially if Tom had returned to his post. Everyone would raise eyebrows and rumors would fly faster than they already did about the Captain and her First Officer.

"On my way."

He took a deep breath, standing in his bedroom staring at his reflection, cringing as the suit pulled tighter around his groin. As he anticipated, several minutes later, his comm badge chirped again. "Commander, you are _not_ in your office."

With a sigh of resignation, he tapped his badge. "No, I'm not. Could you please come to my quarters? I have a problem and I didn't want anyone else on the bridge to know about it."

"Are you alright, Commander?" he could hear the concern laced through her words.

"Uh, yes, I just need some help."

"I'll be right there." He knew the trip from his office to his quarters was a short one, and he also knew she would be moving quickly, so when his door chimed less than two minutes later, he heaved a sigh of relief just as his heart picked up from anxiety.

"Come in." He stayed in his bedroom, not ready to face Kathryn until he was able to explain his situation.

Kathryn entered Chakotay's quarters, confused when he was no where to be seen. "Chakotay, where are you?"

"I'm in the bedroom." He could hear her footfalls approaching. "Kathryn, please don't come any closer." She froze, hearing the anxiety in his voice.

"Chakotay, please tell me what in the hell is going on, or I'm coming in there right now!"

"Wait! Kathryn, I'll tell you, but please don't come in yet." He took a deep breath, trying and failing to calm his nerves. "Tom was here a while ago and brought me a costume to wear to Neelix's Halloween party. He has one for himself as well, and after he left, I decided to try it on, to make sure it fit before the party."

"I wondered why he was grinning like the Cheshire cat when he came back to the bridge," Chakotay's shoulders fell. "Alright, what kind of costume are we talking about?" Kathryn crossed her arms, desperate for Chakotay to show himself. She couldn't imagine what all the dramatics were about, but if Chakotay was this worked up about it, something had to be wrong.

"Uh, it's a plastic Starfleet Uniform." He moved to look down at himself again, and Kathryn could hear the sound of plastic rubbing on plastic. Her jaw dropped open at the thought. Covering her mouth to control a snicker, she tried to keep her voice even. "Alright, that seems ridiculous but not life threatening. What's the problem?"

"The problem," he growled lightly, "is that as soon as I put it on it began shrinking, forming itself around my body as though it were a living being." Realization dawned on him as he said the words aloud. "Oh, spirits, it's got to be some kind of shape shifting technology!" He was thinking on that when his comm badge chirped once again.

"Paris to Chakotay." Chakotay seethed with anger as he slammed his hand down on the comm badge. He could hear the humor in Tom's voice. Kathryn heard it too and knew that her Lieutenant was up to no good. She stood silently in the living area and listened.

Taking a deep breath, Chakotay tried and failed to keep his voice even. "Chakotay here. What is it Tom?"

Tom snickered across the comm line, not even trying to hide it. Bastard. "I was just wondering how your costume fit?"

Chakotay tried to decide whether or not to lie. Finally deciding on the truth, he knew he'd make Tom regret this decision, one way or another. "Well, to be honest, it's a little tight. But I'm sure you already knew that." Tom didn't hide his snort of laughter as he heard Chakotay speak.

"I have no idea what you're talking about, Commander. I'll see you at the party." He laughed out loud as he broke the comm line. Chakotay's shoulders slouched as he realized this indeed was Tom's plan all along.

"Chakotay, will you please come out here and show me what we're dealing with? I'm assuming you've tried to take it off?"

"Of course, I tried to take it off. It got even tighter," his barked out, then softened, "I'm sorry, Kathryn, this is just embarrassing and uncomfortable and I'm absolutely furious with Tom. I don't mean to take it out on you." He paused a moment, "Alright, I'll come out, but please reserve judgement and remember that this was NOT my idea."

"Understood." Kathryn turned to face his bedroom door and watched as he came into view.

She felt her pulse pick up at the sight before her. Her cheeks flushed and heat pooled in her belly at the vision of him before her. He was naked, for all intents and purposes, and she could see EVERY part of him through the thin plastic of the costume. However, it was also nearly as comical as it was arousing, and her nervous energy suddenly turned into a bubble of giggles that she couldn't stop, though she pressed her fist to her mouth desperate to control herself. Chakotay's face was nearly as red as his uniform and he held his clasped hands in front of his groin for what little privacy it provided him. Kathryn quickly got control of herself, not meaning to make him feel any worse, but not really able to help herself either.

"I'm sorry, Chakotay. I didn't mean to laugh; this just isn't quite what I expected." She felt herself flush again as her eyes swept up and down his body…his very toned and strong body. She shivered and hoped that Chakotay didn't notice. "Do you have a tricorder here?" Chakotay nodded, pointing towards his desk. The suit made a ridiculous squeal as his arm brushed his side when he pointed. She pulled the top drawer open and pulled out his tricorder. Moving back over to him, she flipped it open and began moving it up and down his frame. He watched her face as she took in the readings.

"Well?"

Kathryn watched as his suspicions were confirmed as data appeared on the screen of the device. "Yes, it's a type of shapeshifting technology that is recombinant, and seems to be programmable." She looked up into his face, seeing physical pain there and knowing that this must be very awkward for him on many levels, she reached up and rested a hand on his shoulder. "Chakotay, why don't we just ask Tom how to take it off. I'll ask him if you are too uncomfortable. And then when you're free you can kill him later." Her lips turned up in a half smile that Chakotay tried to return, but it didn't reach his eyes.

"No, I will not give him any more satisfaction than he's already gleaned from the entire situation."

"Chakotay, I can see you're in physical pain. I'm sure…"

"No," he huffed out in defeat, "We can figure this out. We have to." Each time he moved the suit squeaked and Kathryn tried so hard not to laugh despite herself. She felt awful for Chakotay and what he was going through, and the fact that he needed her help, but the suit itself was hilarious and she'd never seen anything quite as sexy as Chakotay wearing it. Taking a deep breath, she let it out on a sigh.

"Alright, let's think about this. Did you notice anything odd about the suit before you put it on?"

Chakotay thought for a moment, then remembered the feel of it when he ran his fingers over it. "Yes, it was warm to the touch, and the zipper didn't feel like metal or plastic. I can't really describe it; sort of silky, almost like skin."

Kathryn looked at the suit front, then moved around behind him, "What zipper?"

Chakotay huffed out a rueful laugh, "It zipped itself up and the zip disappeared once the costume was on. Every time I reached for it the suit constricted tighter. Same for the sleeves and neck. It's almost as if it's become part of my skin. The more I move, the tighter it gets...everywhere."

Kathryn thought on that for a moment, then her eyes went wide, "Maybe it's temperature dependent. The more you move, the warmer your body gets. Maybe we need to cool you off." She blushed at the images that crossed her mind, but Chakotay seemed to miss it in his state, "Was the suit in anything when Tom brought it over?"

Chakotay nodded, pointing towards his bedroom. "There's a garment bag on the bed. Can you get it? I'm afraid I can't move very easily." Kathryn nodded, furrowing her brow as she went into the bedroom. As she reached for the bag, she noticed Chakotay's actual uniform laying on the bed, and his boxers laying on top of it. She felt her cheeks flush darker at the thought, once again, that Chakotay was practically naked in the other room, and she wasn't sure what she should make of her rapid heartbeat and sweating palms. Deciding to think on it later, she quickly reached for the black garment bag. Her suspicion was confirmed when the lining was ice cold to the touch.

Kathryn brought it back into the living area and held it up for Chakotay to feel for himself. He squeaked as he raised his arm, running his fingers against the lining of the bag. It was freezing cold, but the outside of the bag was normal temperature. He was going to murder Tom Paris for sure.

"We need to get you cold. A cold shower perhaps?"

Chakotay grimaced, but nodded, "I'm willing to try anything." He tried to take a step towards his bathroom, but the suit pulled at his groin and he cringed, letting out a groan. "Can you help me?"

Kathryn dropped the garment bag on the floor and came up next to Chakotay, wrapping her arm around his middle. She felt heat radiating off of him and didn't know if it was the suit or his own body temperature, but she felt it permeate through her uniform. Her heartrate picked up at his nearness, and when he put his own arm across her shoulders for support, her breath caught in her throat.

They moved slowly and awkwardly towards his bathroom and he finally stepped towards the stall. "Kathryn, I can't…I can't move. The suit…" He tried to reach for the chest of the costume, but his arms were stuck at his sides, the suit constricting, locking his joints in place. Kathryn panicked, holding him upright and pushed him into the shower, standing next to him to keep him upright.

"Computer," she spoke quickly, "cold shower. Water four degrees Celsius." Cold water instantly blasted them both as she stood next to him in the small shower stall. She felt the chill of the water saturate her uniform and down her spine and started shivering involuntarily, but she tried not to focus on it. His eyes found her as she pressed him gently towards the spray of the water. This has to work, she thought to herself. If it didn't, she was going to have to call sickbay and designate a medical emergency. She knew Chakotay would be mortified beyond belief if that happened and trying to explain to the Doctor why they were both sopping wet and Chakotay dressed like he was wasn't something Kathryn wanted to do, so she just prayed that this would solve the problem.

They stood there silently for several moments, both uncomfortable in the icy spray. Kathryn could feel her teeth chattering but didn't dare move from where she stood. She was afraid he'd tip over in the stall, not able to move at all, or fall and hurt himself.

After what seemed an eternity, she noticed the smallest wrinkle along the neck of the suit as it puckered. She watched as the sleeves creased along his wrists as the plastic began to grow looser.

Chakotay tried moving his arm and was finally able to bend his elbow. "Kathryn, I think it's working." He reached up, brushing his thumb across her cheek. She shivered, but it wasn't from the cold. "You've got to be freezing. I'm so sorry about this." He spoke gently. She smiled up at him.

"It's alright. This is much more exciting than staring out at nothing on the viewscreen on the bridge." She joked, pushing her soaking wet hair out of her face.

As luck would have it, just as Kathryn looked down at the ankles of his suit, the costume seemed to suddenly recoil from the icy spray of the shower. The suit itself suddenly ripped away from his body, pulling away from his skin and from the cold water. Before she had a chance to look away, the costume retracted from his arms and torso, pulling itself down his legs until it was a pile of wet plastic at the floor of the shower.

Kathryn's eyes grew wide as all of a sudden Chakotay stood right in front of her, completely naked in the icy spray of his shower stall. She couldn't help the sweep her eyes did of his body as realization dawned on her. If this is what he looks like when he's cold…oh boy…

"Computer, shower off!" Chakotay commanded, turning away from Kathryn, trying to cover himself. "I'm so sorry, Kathryn."

He sounded mortified, but Kathryn couldn't find it in her to move or give him any privacy. She took a towel from the stand next to his shower and reached around him to hand it to him. He turned his head just enough to see her face as her mouth turned up in a half smile and she cocked one eyebrow. "I think we need to get you warm, Commander."

=/\=

Tom was in a panic. He walked as quickly as he could to Chakotay's quarters, tapping on the call button as soon as it was in reach. He grimaced as pain clenched him. He waited, but there was no answer. He bounced on the balls of his feet for a moment before tapping the call button again.

"Just a minute." He could hear Chakotay huff out. He knew he was the last person Chakotay wanted to see this evening, but he also knew that Chakotay might be the only person to help him. After another few seconds the door opened and Chakotay stood before him, flushed and wearing a bathrobe. He didn't look thrilled at all to see the Lieutenant. "What is it, Tom?" Chakotay stood in the doorway, clearly telling the blonde that he was _not_ invited in.

"Ah, good, you got the suit off. That's great." Tom tried brevity but Chakotay could tell that there was nothing light about this conversation.

"Yes, I did. Now what do you want?" Tom winced as he stepped from one foot to the other.

"Well, here's the thing," he glanced from his left side to his right to make sure they were alone, "I got a pair of underwear from that Trulayus lady and was gonna wear them for B'Elanna. You know, as a joke."

Chakotay felt his dimples press into his cheeks as he looked at the pained expression on Tom's face. "You're wearing them right now, aren't you?"

"Yeah, you see, I didn't know these were the same as your costume. I thought these were JUST plastic, but they shrunk, and I can't get them off, and DAMN they hurt." He hunched forward as they shrunk further around his thighs. "_Please_ tell me how you got the costume off?" He winced again.

Chakotay rubbing his hand over his face, trying to stop the bubble of laughter that threatened to take him over. "Well, Tom, I don't know if I ought to tell you."

"Oh, come on man, Halloween is just a day for tricks. I didn't make you THAT mad, did I?"

Chakotay thought for a moment, realizing that the turn of events hadn't been all bad, so he decided that he'd take pity of the poor man. Plus, he had better things to do than spend time talking to Tom. "Why don't you go soak in a cold bath and think about it, and when I see you at Neelix's party you can let me know what you figured out." And without another word be pressed the door release in his quarters and the door slid shut.

He turned then to the grinning face of Kathryn, standing off to the side wrapped in his bedsheet. She burst out laughing just as Chakotay did once the door shut.

"Oh, I wish I could have seen his face," she laughed, wiping tears form her eyes. "I'm glad you took pity on him though." She laughed harder as she pictured him in her mind's eye before cringing. "Oh, poor B'Elanna. No one needs _that_ visual."

Chakotay laughed, but sobered quickly at the sight of Kathryn standing there before him. Her lips were red and swollen from his kisses and her wet hair hung loose around both shoulders. Tom had interrupted Kathryn's efforts to warm Chakotay up, and Chakotay had every intention of finishing what they started. Kathryn knew what he was thinking and smiled, "Halloween is also a day for treats, and we still have two hours before Neelix's party." She fisted the material of his robe, "I think you need to come back to bed, Commander."

He thought briefly that he still had nothing to wear to the Halloween party, but as he followed Kathryn back to his bedroom, he couldn't care in the slightest.


End file.
